Jerky. It’s a lean meat that our ancestors ate when they were riding in on their horses to thwart Germans when they were invading Pearl Harbor. It’s a lean meat, cut into strips and it doesn’t spoil – at least I don’t think it spoils. It looks less spoily than like raw meat.
As the TNGA looms closer and closer (and my nerves get wrapped up in a knot worse than unpacking last year’s Christmas tree lights), the thought of nutrition becomes extremely important. For solids (or solid food) I’m going to stick with Justin’s Nut Butter, some packs of apple sauce and homemade jerky.
I’ve attempted jerky before and it was an utter fail but I wanted to make my own not relying on the store-bought kind that’s full of nasty nitrates and other fillers. My brother is an avid hunter and is fairly adept with a smoker and grill. I knew he’d made jerky for some of his hunting trips so I inquired with him about what I’d need to do to make my own jerky.
My brother recommended going to this site called “Hi Mountain Seasonings” for all things good jerky. I did and I must admit, it was a bit overwhelming with the tons of different flavors. I wanted something just “normal” as I didn’t know how my stomach would react to things and NOW is not the time to be experimenting.
I got my kit in and it came with a handy sprinkler and some detailed instructions. They said to please be specific with directions and don’t deviate a bit, make sure to get a knife and scrape off the excess to your tablespoon mixings or the ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE would be upon you! Generally I eyeball measurements but I decided to be persnickety and make sure the jerky cure and seasoning were exact.
I went to the grocery store and looked over all the meats. The friendly meat man came out from behind the counter and asked if he could help me
Him: Hey there, how can I help you pick out a delicious meat?
Me: They do all look delicious indeed. I’m looking for something lean, like me.
Him: Well there’s that hunk-o-meat over there, it’s lean and would be mighty tasty…what do you plan to do with it?
Me: make jerky
Him: that’s a big piece of jerky
Me: I was hoping you could slice it up for me
Him: Man I’m a Meat Ninja! I’ll have that hunk shredded down to bookmarks.
Him: so why the jerky? Hunting season is still a way’s off.
Me: oh, oh I’m doing a big long bike race called the Trans North Georgia Adventure Race and I need some jerky for quick nutrition
Him: bike… like motorcycle?
Me: like a bicycle
Him: uh..wow…okay, are you crazy?
Me: some had mentioned that
Him: Okay man, well I’ll get to cutting your jerky up lickety split
Generally in these made up dialogues I make the other guy kinda silly but you know, I just can’t this time because I went to Publix to get my jerky cut and let me tell you, they are THE BOMB! Man, I always get unbelievable service when I go there….sure, the prices are a tad more expensive but the service is outstanding. Kudos Publix, I love you! And your Jerky Meat Ninja man cuts mad ninja like jerky!
I got home with the meat and read on in the instructions, my mouth was just watering thinking about devouring some of this tasty jerky meat. Then I read:
“let jerky cure for 24-28 hours.”
Look, I’m American and don’t do well with delayed gratification. I NEED MY JERKY NOW, not 28 hours from now! God, the pain of waiting!
I read how the cure and seasonings had to sink in for it all to work, I’m not sure how I was going to make it because I was hungry and… hey do any of you own an AppleTV, I’ve been eyeballing one but I’m not sure if it’d be a fit for me or not. I don’t really watch a lot of tv but it seems that this would be pretty cool especially since it mirrors my iMac now. I think it’d be really cool and..
where was I?
I decided to document the jerky making by means of pictures since I blab too much as is. Here’s how it went:
Well I thought it was delicious. I have always liked my jerky a little more chewy and juicy than that dried-up crap that rips the enamel off your teeth trying to eat it. I think this may work for the TNGA, as long as a very fuzzy predator that’s 4 times the size of me decides he wants it. I’m going to vacuum seal it all up in hopes that it masks some of the smell. In fact I’m going to vacuum seal a lot of my nutrition for the TNGA to ward off would be predators!