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Before you read this post, let me make something crystal clear.  I don’t bail on rides.  Ever.  Even if I’m dead last in a ride (or anything for that matter), I’ll finish it.

I bailed in the middle of a ride today.

Why?  WHY?  Because…

(mom, if you’re reading this, you’ll probably want to skip the next sentence)

THIS DAMNED COLD ALABAMA WEATHER IS DRIVING ME BAT-SHIT INSANE!

I had a 6:50am ride this morning and somehow missed my alarm, but woke up enough in time to make it to the roadie ride.  It was an important ride because I need to see where I stand with the rest of the group for next week’s century in Louisiana, The Rouge Robaix.  It’s been in the 70′s and 80′s this week so I figured grab my road shoes, chamois and jersey and I’m off.

(mom, skip the next sentence)

NO ONE TOLD ME IT WAS GOING TO BE 32 DAMNED DEGREES THIS MORNING!!! 

What the hell? Seriously. This is Alabama, it’s supposed to be like 85 degrees by now.  We are the hat to the sunshine state: Flolderpeoplelivehereanddriveslowerida.

But for some reason we’re experience colder than normal temps – someone call Al Gore!

This is a fact.  Seriously, it’s abnormally cold.  Where am I getting my facts?  Well my feet of course.  They don’t lie…or, at least they would lie, but they are too (mom) DAMNED frozen to talk at the moment.  I hate the cold.  I hate everything about it.  60 degrees feels cold to me, in fact here’s a chart according to me (and it’s all about me)

I was ill prepared this morning.  I accept that, I didn’t check the weather.  I honestly thought I could tough it out, and I was until we slowed down around Oak Mountain State Park Lake.  The cold from the water chilled my core way down and that spread to my hands and feet.  Given that not even a month ago I was dealing with frost-nipped hands from five degree weather on the Appalachian Trails – I get colder than normal.

So I know what your thinking, right?  ”Gee, Scott…you’re going to do that ride across the continental divide, isn’t there like…you know…snow?”  And the answer is “yes.  Yes you’ve got that correct.”  Here’s my solution: Gas and a match.

Thank goodness my first century of the year is in Louisiana.  I can handle rain, heat, mud, wind, rabid dogs, hurricanes, snapping turtles, pinestraw, lightning, tornadoes, earthquakes and being sentence to Hell.  Just not cold…and it doesn’t get cold in Louisiana, right? RIGHT?

But just in case… yo bro, you got some embro?

–

Post this on Facebook and I’ll personally mail you a free ice-cube from Birmingham, Alabama.  Post on Twitter and I’ll send TWO ice cubes.  Post both on Twitter and Facebook and I’ll send you an ice-cube autographed by Ice Cube!

please allow 2-3 weeks for delivery.  $24.99 shipping charge for all ice cubes over 3-grams. Void where prohibited. Not responsible if ice cube melts in delivery…but it won’t, because it’s so cold.